My Life is a Text From Last Night

jwisser:

thepasta-nerada:

vvrathia:

the sexual tension when u and ur crush are online on fb at the same time and u just stare at their lil green dot

and suddenly you know what gatsby felt like

This is actually the most profound and appropriate literary allusion I’ve encountered so far this week.

vriksaserket:

vriksaserket:

i changed the settings on my moms phone so that when she types my name it changes to ‘my favorite child’ and when she types a swear, it changes it to something more family friendly

alexrthehuman:

glamourousqueen:

tsarcasm:

niickandopoliis:

what do people even SAY during sex????

pitbull lyrics

yeEAAAeaaAHHHH que no pare la fiesta DONT STOP THE PAAARRTTTAYYYYY

I’m gonna write that down

iygrittenothing:

ryuyosei:

killipan-jones:

purrim:

purrim:

why are blonde jokes so short?

so men can remember them

this took an unexpected turn

Not if you just asked for directions.

whatshouldwecallme:

ruraljackdaw:

psilentasincjelli:

ruraljackdaw:

voyagesofabookworm:

thatwhoviansynesthete:

wearejohnlocked:

hungarian:

do british people have a special £ key on their keyboards

how do you hashtag ??????

hashtag is over by the enter key don’t you worry your lil butt

wait

what… what do American keyboards look like then?

oh

bonaventure-:

its so sad getting up in the morning and noticing you lost followers i mean if theres anything we learned from the 80’s its only common courtesy to wake me up before you go go 

mmmcookies22:

baobeisoo:

xchrononautx:

kanrose:

If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.

After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud.

[source]

I love this thing its brilliant. Even if its your mother tongue, read it aloud anyway it’s worth it I promise.

My English teacher let me memorize this in high school

English learners, I am SO SORRY.

fairly-odd-girl:

*me hearing gossip about person i hate*

Horrible invention idea: a Derek Zoolander GPS voice. You would never be allowed to turn left.

vaspim:

You wanna know what gets me off? What really turns me on? Writing an essay without changing the default size 11 Calibri font with no line spacing, and then changing it to size 12 Times New Roman with double spacing and seeing it grow from 3 to 5 pages. Yeah, that really gets me going.

vuls:

*breaks down your front door* i just shaved my legs feel them

norulesnobras:

neilpatrickheaven:

i just really want a musical where theres one character who doesnt know how any of the songs go

 #The musical is any StarKid event #and the character is called Darren Criss

dickfaerie:

adding a period on the end of everything makes it sound sarcastic

lol.

haha.

youre so funny.

youre so hot.

of course i dont hate you.

sithlordtennant:

schyther:

superwhowhedonfighter:

you know how a period is supposed to last 3-7 days

who is that asshole that only has to suffer 3 days

How freaking long are your classes? The longest period I had was 50 minutes.

whatshouldwecallme: